life lessons (from The Bachelor, where else?)

My husband is a reality-TV hater. He literally cannot handle being in the room for more than 5 minutes when I'm having one of my Bachelor-thons. (He doesn't even know about Dance Moms and The Face...shhh...)

This week my fellow Bachelor addicts and I were blessed with 4 whole hours of drama-filled goodness. I ask you, does it get any better? But just in case you're not on the bandwagon, just in case -like my hubby- you're thinking "what could you possibly get out of all that nonsense?" Do I have an answer for you! Cause if you listen carefully, The Bachelor can teach you some pretty important life lessons...

Life Lesson #1: If you've hung out with a guy a few times and he not only hasn't asked for a date, but he's chosen to go on a reality T.V. show to date 300 other women...save yourself the embarrassment of public humiliation. You are definitely in the FriendZone.

Sorry Casey B....I still think you're adorable.

Life Lesson #2: Going to Iceland or Thailand or Fiji (or, um...Montana) on a second date?? Totally normal. Wait, your significant other didn't whisk you away in his private jet/helicopter  for a "romantic international journey" 5 minutes after you met? Totally not worthy.

Life Lesson #3: A "sympathy card" does not equal an engagement ring. Obvi. Amanda. If that was the case,  given how clumsy I am, I would've been married decades ago. But sometimes the "victim card" is your ace-in-the-hole. Gotta hand it to manipulator-extraordinaire Tierra on this one. She's got it dialed.

Get after it girl! You deserve a good sandwich after all that drama!

Life Lesson #4: Watching other girls date your boyfriend is Suck City. Then again, if you're the type to refer to a guy as your "boyfriend" 2 weeks and 1 date after meeting him...well...I'm only sayin' here, but that may just be why you're still single.

Life Lesson #5: It's important to be willing to do crazy things like jumping off a tall building or submersing yourself in glacier melt so boys will like you and think you're "fun." Cause duh, hypothermia is a blast.

Selma: Not willing to suffer for love

Life Lesson #6: Lastly, remember: there's always at least one @sshole  floating around any given dating pool. (I'm looking at you Bentley. And Courtney. And Justin. And Tierra.) Chances are he/she is the one you are most attracted to. Trust me, I've been there. All I can say is, swim away girlfriend, swim away.